1000 Ways To Malfunction
by Unity of Moon and Sun
Summary: Our favorite Vocaloid characters suffer from their stupidity. Full summary inside. Character deaths, various pairings.
1. Contents

WARNING:

The stories that follow may be extremely graphic in language, gore, or sexual encounters :3

Alrighty so, this is a one-shot collection based soley on the stories portrayed on Spike TV's "1000 Ways To Die." Although I already have a one-shot collection, this one will be filled with nothing but character deaths.

So if you don't like that sort of thing, leave now. I may get extremely graphic with these D= It's rated M for obvious reasons. Since a lot of these deaths are really perverted xD

Disclaimer: I do not own Vocaloid, or the TV show "1000 Ways To Die"

Enjoy~

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**Table of Contents:**

_Death 1: Deadliest Munch. (Pairings suggested: MikuxNeru)_

_Death 2: Titty Titty Bang Bang. (Pairings suggested: slight LenxRin)_


	2. Death 1

**Way number: 444  
Deadliest Munch  
**

* * *

Akita Neru sighed as she entered her home, tired after a long day at her job. Right now it was waitressing, doing this as a way to put herself through college. She'd saved enough over her life, of course, but she believed you always needed a back up plan. Besides, she also needed money to pay for this beautiful home she shared with her lover.

Neru closed the door behind her with a soft 'click' and slipped off her shoes before entering into the living room. Looking at her cellphone, as she was replying to one the constant texts she received, she noticed that she'd gotten home earlier than usual. She could even tell by how her house-mate wasn't to be seen. Even now dinner should have been in the process of cooking. Or even done, by now. The smell of cooking meat and the hiss of a running sink were coming from the kitchen next to the living room.

"I'm home." Neru called, entering into said room. She took into account how clean everything looked in here. Sparkling counters including the island, chairs pushed in to a table that smelled like lemon pledge. The windows streak free, as well as the french doors leading out to the patio outside. The floors had been mopped, reflecting the blonde's image back at her when she looked down. Even the oven looked like it belonged in some sort of magazine. The only flaw of this room seemed to be the smoke rising from the sink, where Neru's lover, Hatsune Miku was trying to cool something it seemed.

"W-welcome home, Neru-chan."

"What are you doing, Miku?" Neru asked, raising one blonde brow. Miku blushed and turned back to the sink, pulling up what looked to be a pan. In the pan was a mixture of smoke and black crust which no doubt was the remnants of a burn meal.

"Umm....Aheh, you know me!" Miku said with a laugh. "Clumsy clumsy me." Neru smiled, enjoying how cute the tealette looked at this moment. With a guilty blush and smile, her beautiful, long hair left out of the usual high twin tails and instead brushing against her ankles. All the older female wore was a blue, silk robe.

"That's alright Miku-chan." Neru said, with a light chuckle.

"I'm always screwing things up." Miku sighed, letting the pan sink into the water. She wiped her hands off on a dish towel. Neru snuck up behind the girl, snaking her arms around her waist. Miku immediately relaxed against the blonde behind her, smiling softly as the hold around her tightened. Neru smirked before pressing her lips against the tealette's ear.

"I like your clumsiness," she whispered, her voice laced with hidden intentions, "It's like a damsel in distress thing. It's sexy."

"Oh? You think so?" Miku replied with a perverted giggle. She loosened Neru's arms and twisted around, letting her own arms drape over the blonde's shoulders. Neru placed her golden-painted fingers onto Miku's hips.

"I do." She said with a sly smile.

"Anyway," Miku whispered, pressing her forehead against her lover's, "I may have ruined dinner, but I _did_ make dessert."

"Did you now?" Neru raised a brow.

"Mhm." Miku hummed, pulled the tie from her robe and let it drop to the ground. She pulled open the article of clothing, and let it drop to the floor as well. Underneath the girl only wore a set of some delicious looking underwear. Especially since it was made out of candy. Like the people who made those candy necklaces suddenly had an urge to spice things up a little. The candies were a variety of colours and all shaped like little hearts. Neru licked her lips with a soft moan.

"Looks delicious." She said, her voice dripping with arousal. She crushed her lips against the other girl's, gently pushing her back against the island counter. Miku obeyed, moaning softly as she hoisted herself up onto the counter. She lay onto her back on the polished marble as Neru moved her kisses to her throat. She left a trail of love bites down her thin stomach, making her way to the candy thong she wore. Miku gasped as she felt Neru's teeth bite onto one of the candies, gently pulling on it and letting it snap back against her skin.

"N-Neru...." Her teal-painted fingers gently gripped into the blonde locks of her lover as the younger female let her tongue slip through the strings of treats and onto the actual skin of her maidenhood beneath the candy clothing. Neru smirked, absolutely loving the sounds that were coming out of her love's mouth.

"You taste better than the candy, Miku." She purred. Miku's toes curled tightly as Neru again took the candy between her teeth. She pulled again, harder this time and let the candy slap against her skin. Miku groaned, wanting more. She softly began to rock her hips, giving her girlfriend a signal to speed things up. Neru smirked, having no intentions on speeding up her teasing. She held Miku's hips down against the counter, teasing her again with her tongue. Miku began to pant as Neru continued to work her senses, slowly dragging her nails over the older girl's inner thighs.

"Mm...Neru, please..." She begged. To show her dominance, Neru growled and chomped down onto the candy, crushing it between her teeth. She gave a sharp tug, harder than before. Too hard it seemed. Holding the strings to Miku's hips in attempts to stop them from moving, had made it harder for the string to stretch, thus it snapped. Miku gave a sharp cry of pleasure at the sensation, but a surprised Neru took a deep gasp, pulling the loose pieces of candy into her mouth. Due to the power behind the inhalation they went down her throat and became lodged there.

Neru's hands flew to her throat as she began to cough, trying to bring the sweet treats back up. But had no such luck. Miku instantly lifted herself up.

"Neru?!"

But the blonde couldn't respond. She couldn't breath. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she collapsed onto the clean, kitchen floor, twitching and trying to find air. Miku snatched up the girl's cell phone and began to call 911, kneeling next to her choking girlfriend. Neru's face began to change colour as seconds passed. An ambulance was on it's way, but they would be too late to save the former tsundere.

Neru could only stare up at the concerned angel that was her girlfriend, still gasping for air, before finally choking to death.

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**An- YAY LESBIANS! xD**

**I don't know why, but I've found a sudden love for MikuxNeru .__. Hm. Weird.**

**Anyway, tell me what you think, should I write more? Should I trash this? Should I stop writing in general? .__.**


	3. Death 2

**Way to Die Number 948  
Titty Titty Bang Bang  
**

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Kagamine Rin couldn't stop glaring at her laptop. Well more like the e-mail on the laptop. It seemed that even though she'd auditioned with her heart set on the main role of the latest upcoming musical, some other girl had gotten the part instead. And instead of telling her in person like any normal person, the director had sent her a very 'apologetic' and 'sincere' email explaining why he felt some bitch named Hatsune, Miku would fit the role better. For many reasons it seemed. Most of all was because Rin looked...well...like a child. This Miku person was apparently more...adult looking.

"Damn it!" Rin hissed, snapping the laptop closed. How could this happen _again?_ She was a good actress, a beautiful singer. But her body form was, to say the least, lacking in maturity.

Ever since Rin had begun her acting career she'd had no more than one role given to her. And that role was as an extra in a commercial. That's it. Nothing else. Her latest performances seemed to be acting like she wasn't sleeping at her temp jobs she had. Otherwise it was role after role taken away from her by some woman who didn't look or sound like a 14 year old. Well rather she had the body of a 9 year old. She blamed her chest. It was way too flat to belong to a woman of her age, which happened to be 20, thank you very much.

"What's wrong, Rin?"

"Another role, gone. Because of how I look again. They say they need a more..._womanly _actress." Rin said in a mocking tone. She swung her computer chair around to face the doorway of her home-office where her twin brother, Len, was scratching the back of his blonde head. They'd been living together ever since they moved out of their parents home.

"Well, maybe next time, ne?" He said, trying to sound sincere. He really did feel bad for his sister. He knew how bad she'd wanted this. He knew how bad she'd wanted all the roles she'd been turned down for.

"There's not gonna be a next time, Len." Rin sighed. "I might as well just give up."

"Don't say that!" Len said quickly, his azure eyes widening.

"Why not?" Rin raised a brow. "This career is going no where."

"But, Rin, think about how hard you've worked to get here. You can't just _quit._" Len entered the room, approaching Rin's computer chair. She looked up at him puzzlingly as he placed his hands on the arms of the chair and leaned down so he could look at her properly. "You're an amazing actress. I know you've been rejected a lot, but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

"But, Len-"

"I don't wanna hear any 'buts' from you." He said, "You can do this. I know you can. You've been practicing singing and acting ever since I can remember. You can't give up what you love. Besides, the critiques _love_ your voice. They see you have talent. It's just..."

"My look." Rin finished with a nod.

"Y-yeah...." Len sighed, pushing away from the chair, and his older sibling, to pace the carpeted floor.

"Face it, Len, it's not like I'm going to get any more womanly any time soo-" Rin froze, her eyes widening.

"What?" Len asked.

"There is one way I can get more adult looking.." She said, a grin spreading across her face. Len waited, raising a thin brow as he stared at his twin.

"Yeah," she continued, turning back to her laptop and throwing it open, "That could work."

"What could work?" He asked, moving to stand behind the high back of the chair. He watched over her shoulder as she went onto a search engine. His eyes widened when he saw what she had typed in.

"Breast implants?!" He exclaimed, giving her a look. She raised her brows.

"What?" She asked innocently. Len placed his face into his palm.

"Rin, you don't need breast implants...." He mumbled. Rin rolled her eyes.

"Oh, yes I do." She said, and leaned back in the chair, sticking out her chest.

"Look at these things!" She exclaimed, cupping what she had in her hands. "They're microscopic!"

"They're fine..." Len mumbled, beginning to blush.

"_They're fine..._" Rinmocked with a face. "They're not fine. They're whats standing in my way of being a respected actress."

"Yeah because all respected actresses get boob jobs-....wait..." He paused, realizing the truth of his words.

"See?" Rin grinned.

"Alright, alright. But that doesn't mean you have to get bigger ones...I like you the way you are..."

"But the directors _don't_." She said, placing her pinkyagainst her brother's forehead and giving a light shove. Len sighed once more, and then gave a playful snap at her finger. She quickly snatched it away in fear he would actually bite her, then pouted.

"Do what you want, Rin." He said, scratching his head. "If it makes you happy, I guess it'll make me happy too."

"Oh, it'll definitely make you happy Len." Rin sang as she continued to search through web pages, "You like big breasts, right?"

Len blushed.

* * *

Rin looked for days to find the cheapest surgery she could afford, and finally she found one.

_"Ok, so just tell me what you want." The doctor said, writing on a clipboard._

_"I want stripper boobs." Rin replied with an innocent smile._

_"Stripper boobs?" The doctor echoed, raising a brow._

_"Yes. Huge ones. Like, I don't want to be able to see my feet."_

_"Um...alright then. I promise to give you the biggest Tatas in all of Japan."_

And now here she was two weeks later, having gotten her wish. Rin was definitely not flat chested anymore. In fact her body resembled one owned by a famous pop star by the name of Sakine Meiko, who was known for her large bust size.

Rin felt confident with her new look. She was turning heads wherever she went, even at home. The first thing Len had done upon seeing her new 'work' was have a major nosebleed and lock himself in the bathroom for a while. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on there.

Now the two were boarding a plane set for what Rin hoped would be a new start in her life. Auditions for an upcoming musical were being held in a city in Honshu, and Len had agreed to accompany his sister on the trip. She knew she would get the role with her new secret weapon. Er...weapons. It didn't hurt that she was enjoying the new attention she was getting from random guys, and even other women. She'd catch many taking a double take at her chest, and not care that they were staring at them through the cloth of her yellow dress.

Len, however, glared at every man on the plane, letting them know that this was _his_ sister, and the first guy to have even a thought about touching her was surely going to die. And die painfully.

Rin sighed, content, as she plopped down in her seat. Right next to the window, of course. She loved the view out the window during flights. Len slumped against his, next to her, placing his hands on the arm rests.

"You never did like flying, huh, Len?" Rin pat his back with a soft smile.

"I'll be fine." He said, waving her off.

"You say that everytime. You usually end up throwing up."

"I'll be _fine_. If I don't lookout the window this time, I'll be fine. I'm not gonna throw up." He promised. Rinrolled her eyes with a smile and turned her attention to the window once more. From her peripheral vision she could see a man staring at her chest in the row behind her. It made her feel attractive. It was a little heavier for her, but it was worth it. She had every man on the plane, including her own brother, ready to get onto his knees and worship her name, all because of her new assets.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking...." Rinignored the overhead speaker blaring the monotoneand bored sounding voice of the plane's captain. Like anyone ever paid attention to it. All he ever said was to buckle your seat belts for we would be taking off momentarily. With a 'click' Rin snapped her seat belt on, then did Len's belt for him since he was too busy trying to go to his happy place.

"I hate planes. I hate planes. I hate planes." He was mumbling under his breath. Rin, supportively, took his hand into her own.

"It'll be ok, Len." She whispered with a smile. Len returned it with a sheepish one of his own, and squeezed her hand. "I really appreciate you coming with me."

"Yeah, yeah. It's not like I had anything better to do." Len replied.

Suddenly the roar of the plane became louder. Len took a deep breath and leaned back into his seat, closing his eyes. Rin however bounced a little in her excitement, looking out the window. Already the road below them was slipping past. Slowly they began to ascend, making passengers pop gum into their mouths to prevent the 'popping' of their ears.

"Gum?" Rin offered, using her free hand to dig in her carry-on for the package of chewables. Len said nothing, but nodded as she placed a piece of mint flavored gum into his waiting palm. She then popped a piece of fruity gum into her mouth.

It was quiet for awhile as the plane steadily gained altitude.

But soon the sound of bubbles met the ears of one Kagamine Rin. She raised her brow, looking around and trying to decipher where exactly the noise was coming from. She highly doubted that someone was boiling water on a plane. She huffed, looking forward again as the sound grew louder.

Then she realized.

The sound was coming from herself. From her chest to be more precise. The liquid inside the implants! It was..bubbling! Rin gasped, placing her hands onto her enlarged bosom. They felt...bigger. They were growing! Her breasts were growing!

"What the hell?" She hissed, feeling each expanding in her palms.

"What's wrong?" Len asked, not opening his eyes.

"L-Len! They're getting bigger!"

"What?"

"My chest! It's....It's growing!" Len's eyes snapped open in an instant, both azure orbs turning to his sibling's chest. They'd gotten much bigger by this time. The bubbling sound was audible to those sitting in the row behind them now. Her dress was stretching to accommodate the growing mounds, as well as her skin. Len turned in his seat, fear and confusion filling his expression.

"W-what's going on?!" He shouted, watching as his sister's anatomy was speeding up in their enlargement.

"I- I don't know!" Rin stammered. People had begun to stare at the two siblings, hearing Len's shout. A man sitting in front of them, looked over the back of his seat at the woman and widened his eyes. Rin's chest was definitely large. Unnaturally large. A minute more of growth and they could probably rest in her lap.

"That lady has a bomb in her chest!" The man shouted, unbuckling his seat belt and standing up. Many other's followed, screaming at the threat of a bomb, and pushing each other to get into the isles. The flight attendants worked to calm the passengers. Rin screamed in both pain and fear as the growing implants stretched her flesh. Len stared, wide-eyed, his mouth open, wondering what the hell was happening.

What was happening? Well, the implants in Rin's chest were low grade. Barely a level above a water balloon, due to the cheapness of her purchase. At climbing altitudes the gases inside the implants began to gain pressure, and having no where else to go, began to grow outward.

The plane was in chaos as finally it hit 20,000 feet. And as soon as the pointer hit the number on the monitor, Rin's chest could take the pressure no longer. So it did the only thing it could to relieve the pressure.

It exploded.

BOOM! The implants popped liked balloons, causing Rin's flesh to rip open. Blood splattered everywhere, including the contents of a woman's chest, hitting the walls and even other people. Poor Len was coated with the thick liquid, and he screamed as it hit his body. Once he could force himself to open his eyes, he hesitantly looked toward his twin. She, as well as the seating area, was coated in her own blood, the chest of her dress torn open with her flesh, that was still dripping the red drops of DNA. Her head thrown back against the seat, as if wanting an audience to gaze into her open chest, her azure eyes wide and unseeing. Dead.

The aisles had quieted down, seeing as there wasn't a real bomb going off. Everyone hit with the blood was silently screaming, looking at the red liquid on their skin.

Len shivered, reaching out to maybe touch her face, but before he could he broke his promise.

He vomited.

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**AN- I love the title for this one xD**

**Bah, I really didn't want to use Rin for this one. But she's the only one with....you know. Chest problems xD  
I'd kill to have her body Dx  
Flat chested AND skinny? Yes, please.**

**Because I'd like to run without getting a black eye.**

**Anywho xD  
Review plox? **


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